A quick poem for you?

I'm not sure. You've got potential, but there are a few things about this poem that just irk me. Like, in the third line -- "until you can't see anything but sorrow" -- it may sound okay read aloud, but on paper, it feels like it should say "until you see nothing but sorrow." Just minor details like that could change a poem's integrity level from "middle school kid" to "Sylvia Plath." I do like most of the word selection, though.